LETTERS FROM BEHIND THE LINES

Enemy-occupied territory—that is what the world is.

—C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

A satirical “diabolical communiqué” from Tapeworm (Senior Tempter) to Dogwood (Junior Tempter), analyzing a flattering Vancouver Sun profile of an Anglican bishop (implied: Michael Ingham).

The tone mimics The Screwtape Letters: witty, ironic, and theologically trenchant.

Tapeworm scolds Dogwood for taking credit for the article’s fawning tone. He notes how skillfully the secular press portrays the bishop as strong, benevolent, golf-loving—while dismissing orthodox opponents as “pragmatists” and “architects of schism.”

Key theological critiques:

The bishop ranks togetherness before faithfulness.

He describes golf as having “the spirituality, the Zen,” and teaches it as a course.

He calls Jesus a “way-shower,” not Savior.

Most damning: “A Christian is one who believes Jesus Christ to be the way, the truth and the life. This is not to say there are no others.”

Tapeworm warns this universalism could alarm Rome, Constantinople, Geneva, and Canterbury—and urges strategies to keep them silent. Silence, he notes, is our best ally: “We like that river. It delivers many souls to our gates.”

He instructs Dogwood to recommend:

Encourage global Anglican silence, especially nationally.

Let the “big river” of doctrinal erosion flow unchecked.

Ensure the faithful remain confused, swimming until it’s too late.

“If you can’t devise a plan,” Tapeworm concludes, “I—your adoring uncle—will fill in the gaps… and solidify an unbreakable hold over you through the rest of eternity.”

END