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Miss Universe to Feature Transgender Contestant announces she will join the Episcopal Church

Miss Universe to Feature Transgender Contestant announces she will join the Episcopal Church
"Being a Woman is to Be and Feel Like a Woman," she told Presiding Bishop Michael Curry

A SATIRICAL ESSAY

By David W. Virtue
www.virtueonline.org
July 19, 2018

A 27-year-old who underwent hormonal treatment and surgery to change from a man to a woman will become the first transgender person to compete in the Miss Universe pageant later this year, announced this week that she has become an Episcopalian.

A delighted and thrilled Presiding Bishop Michael Curry said it was a Jesus moment for him and the Episcopal Church. "I have been preaching revival and we are the Episcopal branch of the Jesus Movement and it thrills my soul that Ángela Ponce won Spain's beauty pageant in June and by joining TEC she will enhance our stand on transgenderism."

"There are women with a penis and men with a vagina, because the only key part of being a woman is to be and feel like a woman," Ponce told The New York Times.

Echoing that sentiment, Curry said there were far too many (white) penis's in TEC and he wants more vaginas in pulpits and in the episcopacy to balance an old white boy's club which TEC has become.

Ponce told reporters that she was born in a conservative part of the country where "there was nobody like me." She said she underwent genital surgery when she was 16.

"We fully support her surgery and her desire to join TEC. I believe she has a future as a deacon with priesthood to follow. I see no theological or ecclesiastical hindrances to her becoming a bishop in keeping with our notions of full inclusion and diversity," said Curry at a hastily called press conference.

"What strikes me is that a lot of the criticism has come from women and people from my own collective, just when women are taking to the streets to ask for recognition," Ponce said. "I find it weird that some women don't tolerate that I go to a competition to represent my country as the woman that I am. I love the fact that the Episcopal Church has accepted me just as I am."

Ponce told the newspaper: "If we want progress, we just have to stop looking whether what other women are doing is good or not. I believe God, whoever She/He is, wants me to progress to new levels of consciousness, and The Episcopal Church is one of the most consciously diverse churches I know."

Guillermo Escobar, president of Spain's beauty contest, said the judges "simply valued her as a great woman." Michael Curry echoed that truth and said he would probably take Ms. Ponce on the road to incorporate her into his revival road shows that plumb the depths of "loving" and "living" as Jesus wants us to be.

"She is a pioneer, sending a message of equality and respect, and my hope is that we will eventually have more like her filling Episcopal pulpits as the Church grows in its new self-understanding," Curry said.

"With the age of the average Episcopalian now well into their 60s, many are seeing their spiritual erections vanishing and this is causing much hardship for many men. Trannies like Ponce will give them an uplift like they have never experienced before, causing mission to flourish and laying to rest that all old white men need is Viagra to restore their vitality. A Ponce in the pulpit will revive them," opined Curry.

"Ms. Ponce is for such a moment as this, especially after the besotted Bishop Heather Cook killed a cyclist while in a state of drunken stupefaction. Just about anybody is better than her and Bishop Ponce will fill her shoes and undies quite nicely. Furthermore, Bishop Ponce has a nice ring to it," said Curry.

"I look forward to introducing her to our House of Bishops when next we meet. I am sure they will give her a standing ovation, as most wouldn't know a trannie from a tram car."

"This is The Episcopal Church of the future, a church without walls, morals and doctrine, a church for all where everybody is welcome and nobody comes anymore," gushed Curry.

On hearing the news, Springfield Bishop Dan Martins said that she might not meet the high standards of catholic sacramental relationship that was instituted by God in creation. "We shall see, however I won't be leaving the Episcopal Church, after all she does meet the dimensions of diversity and subsidiarity, so vital to our understanding of Episcopal ecclesiology."

END

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