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Episcopal Presiding Bishop Says he will Repatriate Parishes Won in Lawsuits Back to Original Owners

Episcopal Presiding Bishop Says he will Repatriate Parishes Won in Lawsuits Back to Original Owners
Michael Curry says he was deeply challenged by Pope Francis's action to gift a Lamborghini to help Iraqi Christians. "It touched my conscience," he said.

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
Nov. 17, 2017

NEWS ITEM: Pope Francis gifted a Lamborghini supercar -- but gave it away to help Iraqi Christians. The famously ascetic pontiff publicly blessed the car, but elected that it be auctioned off with the proceeds used to help Christian communities attempting to rebuild in the Middle East. The gleaming white-and-gold Lamborghini Huracán, which usually sells at around €180,000, ($212.000) was made specifically for the Pope by the car manufacturer. Pope Francis blessed the vehicle - and signed its bonnet - at the Vatican's Casa Santa Marta, according to The Telegraph.

The Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, Michael Curry, said today he was deeply moved by the Pope's actions when he heard the news, and immediately called together the Executive Council for a behind closed doors meeting and later issued the following statement:

"In light of the Holy Father's actions, I, with my Executive Council and Gay Jennings, president of the House of Deputies, have decided to repatriate all those parishes we won in decades long law suits and give them back to their original and rightful owners. Furthermore, we publicly repent of our actions in spending over $40 million in court cases across the country and we vow not to take any legal complaints to the SCOTUS. We think all this litigation has gone far enough as it is beginning to affect our bottom line in dealing with serious social concerns of which we have many like transgender bathroom rulings in North Carolina and Texas."

The Presiding Bishop went on to say that racism and white privilege were his main concerns, but declined to name any racists in The Episcopal Church. "It's the thought and idea that counts. In any event it is part of my ongoing Jesus Movement push which is still waiting to catch fire after three years."

He said he was off to England next month to consult with the Archbishop of Canterbury about how to get it off the ground.

"I think we can learn a lot from his desire for "good disagreement" and his push for boys who want to cross-dress, wear tutus, tiaras and high heels. I believe his call for 'Valuing all God's Children' is a game changer. I believe his Church's vote to affirm transgender people in the church, aimed at tackling homophobia and transphobia is precisely the message we want to send all Episcopalians, especially those over 65 who have never met a trannie and wouldn't know one if they fell over him/her.

"To help facilitate our willingness to drop the lawsuits, we will take all the money from the sale of 25 empty parishes in the Diocese of San Joaquin and donate it to the "Lost Boys" priests' fund who will use the money to evangelize the next generation of Sudanese into looking for the odd homosexual in Juba so they can demonstrate they are not homophobic."


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