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Archbishop Welby Wishes Archbishop Okoh Bon Voyage from the Anglican Communion

Archbishop Welby Wishes Archbishop Okoh Bon Voyage from the Anglican Communion

A Satirical essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
December 17, 2017

Archbishop Justin Welby the titular head of the Church of England sent a personal Christmas message to Nigerian Primate Nicholas Okoh wishing him bon voyage from the Anglican Communion.

"You have been a thorn in my side from the first day I took office. God knows you managed to successfully get rid of my predecessor Rowan Williams, a good and godly Hegelian Primate and now it seems you are doing everything in your power to get rid of me.

"The worst of it, is because you won't waffle and play nice over gay men who love each other and just want to be accepted for who they are. Where is your compassion one must ask? What's a little sodomy between friends in a committed relationship. Have you no heart for men who desire men even if the Bible expressly forbids it!

"Good heavens, we bought you the gospel way back when, and now you want to return the favor and plant your GAFCON flag here in Britain, the Mother Church...what the blazes are you thinking!

"The fact that you think we have lost the plot, doesn't mean you have a right to tell us where we have gone wrong. Who do you think you are? Why do you think I engineered hiring Josiah Idouw-Fearon, one of your archbishops, to man the Anglican Communion office. You think that just happened by chance? I thought this one through very carefully...and we thought you'd bite on that. But no, you saw right through me, and I went to Eton and Trinity College, Cambridge, where were you educated pray tell?

"You think you know more than me? You are the son of a peasant farmer, which is just about as bad as being the son of a Galilean carpenter, for goodness sake.

"Look here my good man, if you continue to make inroads into my church and start sheep stealing I am going to have to report you to the Queen who is the head of our church, and believe me you don't want to cross her. She can be as mean as a Muslim cleric when she gets her temper up. Just ask Prince Philip, the poor man just can't catch a break. Just watch a few episodes of The Crown.

"My final word is this, if you don't invite me to GAFCON III in Jerusalem next year, I won't invite you to the next Lambeth conference in 2020, let's see how that makes you feel."

Meantime, wishing you and yours a happy Boko Haran encounter this Christmas,

+Justin Cantuar

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