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Going in the Wrong Way

Going in the Wrong Way

By Brian McGregor-Foxcroft
Special to Virtueonline
www.virtueonline.org
August 14, 2014

“There is a way which seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death”
(Proverbs 14:12).

It has to be said. There is something wrong with this picture; gay men and women parading boldly and openly through the streets of many cities each year with the full support of political and religious leaders. As I witness this happening I feel myself getting upset for a very personal reason. And I wonder, how is it right for young people and small children to witness this as if it were nothing more than an innocent fun-filled carnival, a street event, a parade?

I want to be fair and logical. I don’t want to put down anybody for their beliefs or worldview. I am not seeking to make any homophobic attacks on persons or groups, nor am I attempting to commit any sort of hate crime against people who differ with my point of view. As they say in legal jargon, I am communicating this “without prejudice.” But when I see these events today my mind goes back to my own childhood, and to a father who was addicted to pornography and free sex. From the age of about ten years I was exposed to pornographic magazines and images of sexual bondage. My father left his girlie magazines out in the open where anyone in the family could see them. My mother did her best to protect us children, but to no avail. In many respects my father was a sexual exhibitionist and an inveterate womanizer. His pride and joy in later life was his collection of the writings by the Marquis De Sade (in translation). After my parents separated I went to live with my father for a while. I was twelve years old at the time, and I saw and heard him sexually use and abuse what seemed like an endless stream of women. He never really gave a thought to what his actions might mean to me at that age. Indeed, much to my embarrassment, during my years living with my father, I was to become aware of at least two half siblings he had fathered by two different women, and for whom he refused to take any responsibility. I remember very clearly being numbed when I was exposed to those matter-of-fact revelations. What I felt then, and in the darker moments of my life since, was a deep sense of betrayal, of uncleanness, and of shadowy secrets that had somehow conspired against me.

From my point of view, the sexualisation of young children is wrong and damaging. In my case I was left with the firm notion that sex in all its forms was dirty and to be avoided at all costs. I carried this conviction with me, even into the first years of my marriage. In my formative years I avoided any relationships with girls or women. How could I trust myself not to become a man like my father? How could I trust the women not to be somehow filthy and low bred creatures who allowed men to use them in the basest manner? Fortunately for me I had a good and understanding wife to help me overcome my neurotic view of human sexuality. In addition to having the benefit of a good wife, I had my Christian faith to help me recover from my handicap. But the damage was so deep that even my conversion was no silver bullet offering me a quick fix. Indeed, when I attended theological college for the first time, I was a little dismayed to encounter female students in attendance. I would have much preferred an all-male institution. However, God had other ideas, and with time I came to admire and respect my female student colleagues. Fortunately for me they were longsuffering in their response to my initial cold attitude to their presence. I have since those years been able to form close and affectionate bonds with many females, and I value their friendship.

Thus through the agency of a good wife, and through my personal struggles to understand my dilemma, with the help of the scriptures, I was able to recover, or discover the meaning of a healthy sexual attitude. But now I am thrown back into a dilemma. That same Bible that taught me about God’s creation of the healthy sexual relationship between one man and one woman is now being turned on its head. The new zeitgeist is proclaiming a novel twist on things. Now some theologians are suggesting a new sexual configuration in which the old paradigm is outmoded and virtually cast aside. If their take on human sexuality is correct, and mine is wrong, then the sexualisation of children is not only quite appropriate, but it is also absolutely commendable and orthodox. What must be going through a child’s mind when it attends Gay Pride parades and sees men dressed as women, and other men dressed in provocative ways that accentuate their genitalia? There have even been reports of Pride parade participants marching through the streets naked, which happened in Vancouver on one occasion. Of course, the meaning of this is obvious. If you can condition children young enough to believe that something unnatural is natural, then you’ve achieved your chief aim. A child does not have the reasoning power to clearly distinguish between what is socially acceptable and what is not (I am not talking now about one’s personal sexual preferences, but about making a public display of them in an exhibitionistic manner and exposing them to the public gaze). And yet, even as a child I understood that what I experienced because of my father’s behaviour was somehow not quite normal; even though at that time I had no moral compass to guide me. What does Proverbs 22:6 say? “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it” (New American Standard Bible). This cuts both ways. Sexualize a child when he or she is young, and in later years you can expect a mess of trouble. He or she will either engage in sexual activity which is inappropriate and often dangerous, or, as in my case, he or she will hold to a distorted view that destroys his or her chances of enjoying the healthy and happy sexual relationship that God intended for humankind.

And what about the mindset of the clergy and theologians who support this two-edged sword of open sexuality? Where are their heads at? How in the name of Beelzebub did they arrive at the theological conclusions that allowed them to endorse and encourage so morally destructive a worldview? How can they realistically expect anything constructive and morally right to come out of it? Will they accept the responsibility for the consequences that will surly affect future generations of children and young people, and of condescending Christian adults? In a Christian context, they must be aware of the severe warning from Jesus, “And whoever causes one of these little ones to stumble, it would be better for him if with a heavy millstone around his neck, he had been cast into the sea” (Luke 17:2, NASB). I have seen firsthand the sad and sickening results of young children who were sexually exploited by their fathers, step-fathers, siblings, and other assorted family members. Their lives were left in ruins, often with no resources to help them pick up the shattered bits of their violated souls and bodies. During my years of military service I counseled, comforted, and wept with young solders of both sexes who had joined the army to escape abusive homes.

Finally, if the clergy and theologians who support this new morality are correct, then my attitude to my father’s behaviour and its effects on my life is incorrect, and my father does not owe me an apology for what he did to me, and to others, but I owe him a profound apology for misjudging his very normal and acceptable sexual behavior. Indeed, if these same Christian leaders accept and promote this new behavior as normal, then nothing is taboo, and the flood gates to a world of “anything goes” will be the sexual norm, and very likely unstoppable.

In the spirit of openness and honesty, I ask anyone to reason with me to the contrary. If you can persuade me that my view is wrong, I invite you to do so.

Brian McGregor-Foxcroft is a layman and a graduate of the University of British Columbia and of Regent College, UBC. He lives with his wife on Vancouver Island. He is an active Anglican layman.

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