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Episcopal General Convention Set to Endorse 58 New Sexualities
A Satirical Essay
By David W. virtue
www.virtueonline.org
February 28, 2014
A Resolution for the 2015th General Convention of the Episcopal Church at the Salt Palace Convention of Salt Lake City, Utah.
Resolved, that it is the sense of this General Convention that (Heinz) 58 sexual varieties of persons are children of God and have a full and equal claim with all other persons upon the love, acceptance, and pastoral concern and care of the Church.
Resolved, that this General Convention expresses its conviction that all (Heinz) 58 varieties of sexually diverse persons are entitled to equal protection of the laws with all other citizens, and calls upon our society to see that such protection is provided in actuality.
Furthermore, no one shall be denied access to the selection process for ordination in this Church because of race, color, ethnic origin, age, national origin, marital status, sexual orientation, disabilities or age, except as otherwise specified by these Canons. Please note the canons now exclude those of orthodox faith and practice including Anglo Catholics and evangelicals.
Submitted by Dr. Louie Clay (ne Crew) lay delegate for Newark.
My dear brothers and sisters,
I write to you today humbled and penitent, but just a tad proud that we can at last admit that there are no longer just straights and gays with a few trannies, and bi-sexuals in the Episcopal Church, but a new and glorious unfolding of ever new sexualities that has left me wondering at my own pathetic exclusion of the "other" and my own narcissistic self-interest and self-absorption all these years.
For years, I selfishly thought that there were only straights and gays with a handful of lesbians but now I know better. I want to apologize to everyone here for all the years I was just thinking of myself and my relationship with a black man who felt ostracized for his color when in fact that were tens of thousands of those who have "gender identities" as found on Genderqueerid.com
Let me read you some and I will pause between each one and you can offer up a prayer of inclusion for those mentioned here:
* Agender
* Androgyne
* Bigender
* (Nonbinary) Butch
* Crossdresser
* Demigirl
* Demiguy
* Epicene
* (Nonbinary) Femme
* Gender fluid
* GenderF[**]k (A lengthy silence here).
* Girlfag
* Guydyke
* Intergender
* Neutrois
* Pangender
* Pomosexual
* Third Gender
* Trigender
* Transmasculine
* Transfeminine
These are a mere 21 options. There are at least 40 or so more you can choose from that we in The Episcopal Church will now embrace, if you pass this resolution at Convention in the less than sacred Mormon city made famous for its lack of inclusion of all God's children.
I say with tears in my eyes and before I leave this earth to face my maker that we, along with Mother Jesus, have reached the nadir of a church for absolutely everybody, and when the last red doors close on the last empty church we will have achieved justice for all.
The Diocese of Newark, from whence I reside, has over 35 gay and lesbian priests. It is slowly sinking into the sunset and may well merge in time with the Diocese of New Jersey, but that too is God's will as She has told me. We cannot expect a homophobic world out there to get "it" immediately.
For those who foolishly believed that biology offers us only two sexes, well, you are wrong ...[Here Dr. Louie Clay (nee Crew) pauses to wipe away his tears of exclusion.] We need to get with the times. I have to tell you that this list is in fact endless. I want to thank John Becker of The Bilerico Project, and congratulate the social media giant FACEBOOK for its decision to include all these sexualities that we in The Episcopal Church can now embrace.
Now that we can finally jettison male or female and describe ourselves by dozens of "gender" labels and God's will has been done, I can at last die a happy man.
Thank you. And God bless FACEBOOK, America and The Episcopal Church.
(signed)
Dr. Louie Clay (né Louie Crew)
